By P.J Belden
**Due to sexual content, language and violence, this book is only suitable for ages 18 and up**
Everyone has secrets. How far would you go to keep them hidden? What would it take for you to rid yourself of the secret…. to move past it all?
Kayla Williams was stuck in a reoccurring nightmare. The problem was Kayla wasn't dreaming. This really was her life for the past sixteen years. No matter what, she knew she had to keep this secret, from everyone she knew and loved especially her ten brothers and sisters. It was a secret that would break the family apart. Kayla is the middle child of a large family. Kayla found it all too easy to blend into the background. When her twin sisters have a graduation party, Kayla decides to stop by only to tell them congratulations. She had tried to stay away from her family and her family home as much as she could. Kayla loved her family, but it was hard to face them, knowing the awful secret she was hiding. What Kayla didn't know was that going to this party would cause the first domino to fall and trigger the next.
Jason Gold, a dutiful son, was a loner all his life. To Jason, honesty and trust were only a figment of people’s imagination but something he believed in. Jason, a police detective is married to the job. When Jason’s sick mother asks him to attend a party on behalf of her, he meets the one girl that he could not ignore or forget.
Secrets are dangerous…. they can cause bonds to break and hearts to shatter…. Will Kayla survive her hidden secret or will it claim her forever? Will Jason come clean on his secrets or let them tear away the only woman he has cared enough about to pursue?
Heartbreaking is the first feeling that comes to mind while I was reading this book.
Kayla is a survivor, she has been through more than most people go through in a life time. In her short 28 years she has been subjected to 16 years of abuse and rape, some of which take place at her family home, at the hands of her brother, Carson’s friend, Alex. Never telling a sole in those 16 years, Kayla has pushed her family to the side and believes that if she doesn’t confide in anyone, no one else can be hurt.
“I’m a hideous beast; a plaything for a sick and twisted guy. I have used so many excuses covering up for any visible marks on me. They have never been this bad. How can I hide this one? How can I make this one go away?”
A chance meeting at her family’s home after her abuser taunts her, she runs into Jason Gold, a detective.
Their instant connection takes them both by surprise. Kayla goes through life existing just getting through each day. When Kayla is attacked again, she breaks down and is at her lowest point in life and finally confides in her family. They give her the support and strength to report all her attacks. At the police station the detective assigned to Kayla's case is Detective Jason Gold! Jason has been working on a rape case for some time that has been a mystery to the police....
Kayla wants to fight; she knows she can take him on. She has support from family and friends. After devising a plan to catch Alex (the abuser), Jason and Kayla discover their feelings for each other are growing and taking them both by surprise. Kayla is terrified to open up to anyone, she has kept her secrets hidden for so long and trust isn’t something she can give easily.
“Jason was my anchor in the stormy seas. I don’t know how he managed it, be he helped me find faith in others again...in men.”
Although their feelings for one another lead them into a relationship Kayla is second guessing herself at every turn, her instinctive tells her to run, her heart wants to stay. She doesn’t believe a man could love her, she has nightmares that would scare most men off, her body is scared and her mind believes everything that her abuser has told her.
“Why do you insist that no one can like you? Kay, you’re a beautiful and smart and sexy in and innocent kind of way. Just because the first apple that fell at your feet had holes and all through it doesn’t mean the rest aren’t good enough to eat. You just have to pick the right one.”
While Kayla’s family is trying to help catch her abuser, another attack takes place. This time they know it’s not Alex her former abuser it’s someone new.
With Jason unable to save her, Kayla runs, only to be found again. Jason fights for his girl and doesn’t let anyone get in his way. He is definitely sure of his feelings, after all his past is holding a secret too and he knows now what he feels for Kayla is real. His feelings are strong but he doesn’t want to scare her off, the internal battle with himself is holding him back from saying what he feels.
“I want to tell you Kayla. I want to tell you how I feel, but I’m just not sure you’re ready yet. But, god do I ever want you to know how much you mean to me. Please don’t break me. You are the only one that could. Don’t break me please.”
While seeking justice on those who deserve, we are taken on a powerful journey of survival, love and protection. I highly recommend this book to anyone courageous enough to read it. The subject matter at times is confronting and very real. You feel what Kayla feels; you’re living her nightmares and attacks as they happen. P.J. Belden does a great job portraying real feelings.
This is my first P.J. Belden book and it definitely won’t be my last. I’m looking forward to Carson’s book #2 in the series, Fantasy Attraction.
Excerpt (Kayla’s Flashback)
Kayla, your brothers are watching you while your dad and I attend this banquet dinner. Your sisters are at Aunt Lucy‟s for the weekend. Keep an eye on things, please. All the boys are together, you know how messy that can get. Jake and Carson should be calling to let us know when they will be home. Can you please write the message down and leave it on the fridge?” my mom said to me.
Jane Williams was a beautiful woman. Many say she could pass for a model even now. I could remember hearing several of my brothers‟ friends saying those words when they met our mom for the first time.
“Yes, ma‟am.” I said rolling my eyes. Nothing I hated more than being told how to do the obvious things. I knew how to answer the phone and take a message, as well as where to put it.
“You‟re sure you don‟t want to go to Aunt Lucy‟s? We could drop you off on our way.”
“Yes, mom. I would rather stay here. I have a project to work on anyway.”
I didn‟t like going to Aunt Lucy‟s. She was a little out there in an odd way, and I much preferred to stay at home when my sisters went over there. They did all the girlie things; I was happier just getting muddy and climbing trees.
“Okay, love you guys! Behave yourselves, boys, and keep an eye on your siste,r please,” Jane yelled as she headed out the door on my father‟s arm.
“Eli, do you have some time to help me with a school project?”
I loved all my siblings, but I had bonded most with Elijah and Jake. They were overprotective but I still loved them.
“Can we work on it tomorrow, Kay? We‟re going to have some friends over and play some pool.”
I forced a smile, trying hard to hide my disappointment at not being able to spend time with my brothers, who were home on break
“Sure,” I said. “I will stay in my room and out of the way.” He hugged me and I headed to my room.
My room was simple. I had a daybed up against one wall. Across from the bed was a built-in entertainment center with shelves for all my favorite books and movies. There was a built-in desk at the far end of my room, and a walk in closet that had more than enough room for all my clothes and shoes. I even had my own bathroom. It wasn‟t huge, but it was big enough for a bathtub/shower, a sink with vanity, and a toilet. I didn‟t have to share it with my brothers or sisters, and that was all I cared about. There was nothing about my room that screamed „girlie;‟ the walls were beige and the carpet was white. The linens were lilac, as were the curtains. I loved my room; it was peaceful, relaxing, and easy to stay focused on my studies. I sat down at my desk and started working on my homework assignment.
Music started playing loudly from downstairs. I slowly made my way to the top of the grand staircase. When I got to the banister, I saw a room full of people. My brothers were hamming it up big time for the girls there. I sighed heavily and shook my head at my brothers‟ actions. Judging by the amount of people and their laughter and music, I knew it was going to be loud for a while. So I made my way back to my room, turned on the radio, put my headphones on and went back to work on the project.
A few hours later, it was late and I was tired, so I decided to call it a night. The music was still going downstairs, so I knew the only way I was going to get any sleep was if I switched to my wireless headphones and wore them to bed. After changing for bed and brushing my teeth, I crawled in bed and fell asleep in no time.
Unsure of how long I was sleeping when my bedroom light came on. I sat up and tried to get my eyes to adjust to the light. Through the blur I thought I saw my brother in the doorway.
“Jeez, Nick! I was sleeping, you know?”
I rubbed my eyes, and when I looked back the door was being locked. It was not my brother after all. Instead it was a man about the height of my brother, with a buzzed head and average frame, though it was apparent that he worked out. He wore a tank top with a vest over it, revealing several tattoos lining his arms and neck. His jeans were baggy and sagged from his waist. He had three piercings - two silver hoops in his ears that that caught the light from my room when he walked, and the other in his lip. He moved closer to me, and I noticed that his eyes were dark - almost black. He walked with the confidence that he owned the world and had a smile on his face that sent chills down my spine.
“Umm, you need to leave my room,” I said, trying to keep the fear from my voice.
“My name is Alex. I am a friend of your brother, Carson. I take it he is not coming home tonight?” His voice was low and had a menacing tone as he spoke.....
Excerpt (Jason’s POV)
I was just walking up to the front of the house when I froze in my spot. Staring at the sight before me, I watched as a woman came running from the house. Her long, brown, curly hair was flying like silk in the wind behind her as she ran. It was like watching her in slow motion.
She was breathtaking. She had perfect opulent curves, not pencil thin like most women these days think they need to be. As she ran, her perfect size breasts were bouncing along. Just looking at her was making my cock stir in my pants. I watched as she made her way down the steps trying to get her shoes off. She was down on the walk, struggling with her other shoe when she started to fall. I ran in to catch her. Her hair fell into her face as I cradled her in my arms.
For the first time in a long time, as I held this woman in my arms, I had a feeling of peace come over me. Something about this woman called to me. She wasn‟t the normal type that I took to bed when I was frustrated. She was different. I can‟t put my finger on why, but I wanted to get to know her better; a lot better. She wiggled and her breasts rubbed against my chest and I had to bite back a groan. I knew it had been a while since I had been with a woman but this was ridiculous. No woman has ever affected me like this one. Instead of making me want to run away, I wanted to get closer.
Jeez, you fucking pervert!
About the Author
Hey Y'all! PJ here. You want to know a little about me. Well I live in Indiana with my husband of ten years, our three kids, and two dogs. I love writing and reading in any spare time that I have. I have been writing for as long back as I can remember, but I put it aside for a while. There are many reasons I did that but mostly it just wasn't time for me to really push it, I think. My oldest son is an inspiration. He is autistic and the view he has on life is astounding. He doesn't let the bullies or negative reaction to him slow him down. My daughter loves to read just like her mama and my youngest son is a complete copy of his father it's scary LOL. My family has gone from one extreme to another weather wise. We lived in Alaska to move to Georgia. Big weather difference. Each day I view as a blessing. Make your dreams come true today because none of us are promised tomorrow. Hugs to all and many blessings.